【Horror Archives】

And the winner is... LA LA LAND! Oh wait...

TheLiterary Reviewannounced the winner of the 25th annual Bad Sex in Fiction Award at what it described as "a lavish ceremony" on Thursday evening.

The Bad Sex in Fiction award's purpose is "to draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction." The 2017 winner was American author Christopher Bollen for his book The Destroyers. The judges gave him the award based on a sex scene between the book's protagonist Ian and his former girlfriend.

The scene takes place on a Greek island, and the following passage is apparently what tipped the odds in Bollen's favour.

"She covers her breasts with her swimsuit. The rest of her remains so delectably exposed. The skin along her arms and shoulders are different shades of tan like water stains in a bathtub. Her face and vagina are competing for my attention, so I glance down at the billiard rack of my penis and testicles."

The romance is undeniable.

It was a tough race. Here is some of the competition which The Destroyers had to contend with:

Laurent Binet, The Seventh Function of Language

"Bianca grabs Simon’s dick, which is hot and hard as if it’s just come out of a steel forge, and connects it to her mouth-machine"

Venetia Welby, Mother of Darkness

"The green grass curls around Tera’s left breast as she curves her sleek physique around Matty’s diabolical torso like a vine. Paralysed, complete, the marble statue of the lovers allows itself to be painted by the dawn’s lurid orange spillage"

Wilbur Smith, War Cry

"He kissed her and she responded and the boundaries between them blurred, like two watercolours on a piece of paper, joining as one to create something entirely new"

Sorry Wilbur, but watercolour similes just didn't cut it this time.

The official Literary Review Twitter account also broadcast some Bad Sex highlights.

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That's it, that's all you're getting. The rest were physically too cringe to embed.

Congratulations to all the nominees!